Episode 76
After Everything Goes Quiet

Jill:
00:09

Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for joining us. This is the Finding Hope Podcast, and we’re Charlie and Jill LeBlanc.

Charlie:
00:17

Hi, everybody. How are you doing today?

Jill:
00:21

You know, something we wanna discuss today is what happens when you experience a new loss, and you’re having to just begin all the arrangements that one has to jump through with preparing a funeral, and then all the legal things you have to do, and contacting people, and all this. It’s such a handful. And what we’ve what we’ve experienced generally is seeing someone have to do all this, and then have the funeral. And and the grace of God usually normally really covers a situation like that in most circumstances. And a family will come through and people attend the funeral, and they see the grace of God that’s on the family.

Jill:
01:27

And they come away from the funeral thinking, oh my gosh, they’re doing so well. That’s just awesome. It’s God’s grace is all over them. It’s great. And it and if you’ve experienced that, I’d love to hear your comments below.

Jill:
01:42

And then you walk away from it and and get a few weeks down the road, and everyone goes home, and life begins to return to some sort of normal, but it’s a new normal now that that your loved one is gone. And eventually things kind of begin to implode in your life and in your heart. And yet everyone else saw you at the funeral and thought you were doing so good. And so maybe they don’t reach out much anymore because they think you’re doing so good, but all of a sudden, your life is crumbling. And, you know, we call it kind of a sense of paralysis.

Jill:
02:28

You know, it’s the grace of God that comes on a soul to cover you during that across the board. Not everyone experiences that same thing because, you know, they just may be in too much shock and they attend the funeral in a blur, and they don’t have necessarily that same thing. But most times it seems that the grace of God really covers a situation. So let us know if that happened to you. We’d really be interested to hear your story.

Charlie:
03:03

Yeah. You know, I, that reminded me, Jill, of a, of a funeral that I watched, and I mentioned this before, but I watched it a couple of weeks ago right here in Jacksonville. I watched it online. And, it was, a black church, which, you know, I say that only to say that culturally, we’re all a little bit different in the way that we approach our funerals. And, I’m not really familiar with that, too much, but, but this, they had an incredible choir, there was singing.

Charlie:
03:39

Mean, it was- Celebrations. There was celebration. Yeah. People were clapping. This was before the family came in.

Charlie:
03:46

And there was, the coffin was there up front and the bishops, the pastors, they were clapping and singing. The worship leader was really going for it. And, and, you know, and then the family comes in, and the mother the wife of the deceased and the children, she was, you know, being held, her arms were being held as she walked up to the casket. They all were giving respect to it, but she was singing too. You know, she was pushing herself to sing and to be strong, you know.

Charlie:
04:28

And the family was there, the church was packed. It was a beautiful, beautiful funeral. And yet, you know, I appreciated the maturity of the pastor when he got up to just begin to address the people or the elder, it wasn’t the actual pastor yet, he just said, he was honest, he said, You know, we’re all here together to support each other, he said, but we’re all suffering. We’re all hurting right now because we lost our elder, who was such a precious man. And, I just thought it was very interesting that, you know, the different cultures and different styles, that they were rejoicing.

Charlie:
05:08

And, you know, we had, Lamont and Sharon, sing at our funeral.

Jill:
05:13

At Bovee’s?

Charlie:
05:14

At Bovee’s funeral, Service. Son’s and again, what do you call it? Funerals, celebration service. Memorial. Memorial service.

Charlie:
05:26

Call it what you want, you know. It’s hard any way you look at it. But, you know, I remember, interestingly, I asked Lamont and Sharon, some black couple that we love so much to this day. They’re in our worship band, and they come from a different culture background than we do, and we’re just the best of friends. And I wanted them.

Charlie:
05:52

I just felt more than anyone that I knew a lot of musicians, a lot of great singers, a lot of great, but something about LeBlanc and Sharon, the compassion, the love they had for me, for you and for Beau.

Jill:
06:05

And Beau really loved them too.

Charlie:
06:06

They visited our home a few times when Beau was ill and, I just felt peace. I said, Yes, this is who I want. And they got up and they were so sweet, but I don’t know if you remember, but the first thing Lamont said was, Come on, everybody, let’s give the Lord a big shout.

Jill:
06:27

Oh no, I didn’t remember that.

Charlie:
06:28

Yeah. I remember that. And I remember thinking in my heart, Oh, I wasn’t ready for that personally. I mean, they did an amazing job. They went into singing and ministering and flowing.

Jill:
06:42

Worship.

Charlie:
06:42

It was just worship. It was just exactly what I had wanted and envisioned, but they opened up with, Let’s give the Lord a big shout praise him. You know, and I know for me as a worship leader, I do that a lot just because I’m insecure. And I get up in front of people, and if they’re all just looking at me, I’m kind of like going, Hey, let’s look at Jesus real quick. Let’s give him a big praise offer because I’m uncomfortable right now, you know?

Charlie:
07:13

So, but, but having said all that, you know, funerals, you were saying, and memorial services, celebrations or celebration of life, which is true. We’re there to celebrate their life. We’re there to, to, to remember them. And we’re there, you know, the funeral is a pretty

Jill:
07:35

tough It depends on this situation. It depends on, you know, how old were they? Why did they die? You know, there’s so much that I don’t look at all of it as celebration.

Charlie:
07:46

Well, a celebration of their life. I know, Of life. Not of the death, of their life.

Jill:
07:51

No, I know. But yeah, so we all have differing opinions

Charlie:
07:55

Right, on including us.

Jill:
07:57

Yeah, because

Charlie:
07:58

That’s true.

Jill:
07:59

Yeah, you can’t

Charlie:
08:01

Yeah, I mean, I wasn’t in any mood to celebrate, period. But, but at the same time, you know, I can understand the term, let’s If

Jill:
08:11

it was an elderly that had a full life and they died of natural causes, and you know, not that that’s a good thing for the ones left behind, especially if there were some particularly close, but it’s a little easier for me to appreciate that concept for someone that’s lived a long, full life.

Charlie:
08:34

Sure, sure. Absolutely. And you know, but the point is that there’s a grace, like you said, on the family. You know, we were in shock. We were broken.

Charlie:
08:50

We were tormented, but we knew we had, we had to get this memorial service funeral pulled together. You know, we had people coming from out of town, people from all over St. Louis, and we had to, we had to get this thing figured out and do it. So you just, you just had to push to get it done. And, and, and when we got there, you know, we greeted hundreds of people.

Jill:
09:19

I specifically remember a couple of things I want to bring up in light of this. I remembered like, okay, so we had about five days or so of planning from the time he passed away until we actually had the service. And I remember someone coming to our door like two or three days after they had just arrived in town, knocked on the door. And I just remember greeting them with the biggest smile, biggest hug and say, Hey, so good to see you, you know? And he kind of looked at me like shocked that I would give him that kind of greeting.

Jill:
09:57

I know he was expecting probably, you know, not not that, you know, something more somber and whatever.

Charlie:
10:04

Interesting.

Jill:
10:04

And then I also remember the morning of the service arriving there a little bit early. You know, we didn’t even think about having a receiving line or doing any of that business.

Charlie:
10:15

We didn’t know

Jill:
10:15

proper things you’re supposed to do. But but this couple came apparently because they knew having attended several funerals. This this couple that we knew came early to just see us because there wasn’t that offering, you know, of time. And I remember seeing them because I was so surprised to see them there that early. And they came over and I said, Hey, you guys.

Jill:
10:44

You know, they said, Well, we just wanted to make sure we got a chance to see you before we had to leave. But I remember greeting them like I greeted that other guy, just, you know, like, Oh. So, you know, to our

Charlie:
10:59

it’s point of a grace being on someone in that situation. Interesting. And, you know, there’s a scripture that I was gonna say for later, but, and I might have to if I can’t find it, but it’s already

Jill:
11:17

We’ll put it in the notes.

Charlie:
11:19

Yeah. I wrote it down because I didn’t want to forget it. She was Anyway, basically it’s in Proverbs and it basically says that, you know, you can have be in the midst of grief and you can have joy, you can have a smile, you can have laughter even, and yet the grief comes right back after. That’s the scripture. And it’s so true.

Charlie:
11:52

And I think one of the things we wanted to share on this podcast was just how that sometimes people leave funerals and they think, Oh, the family’s doing so good. Right. You know, because I got up and shared, you shared, Cammy shared, Cherry didn’t share at that one. She was hurting too bad. But, you know, I shared, and I don’t remember everything I said, but I know one thing I said.

Charlie:
12:22

I am not going to let what happened here change what I believe of the Word of God. The Word of God is true, and I am not going to let anything, any of this circumstance change. You know? I remember, and I meant it. I wasn’t faking.

Charlie:
12:37

Meant it. I was taking a stand. But man, within the next two or three weeks, I was questioning everything about I was questioning all of the word of healing and the word of faith, and I was mad. I was upset. And so the thing is, is people, you know, have this grace when they and you’ve experienced it, you know, with your loved one possibly that you’re smiling, greeting your family members, they’re loving on you, you’re appreciative of it, your friends, you know, and and, you know, you’re like Jill said, she smiled at the scene.

Charlie:
13:17

Said, hi, how are doing? You know, but but man, I tell you what, once once the crowd leaves and the quote, funeral or party is over, don’t want to say party, but you you know what I mean by that, the gathering, everyone. And of course we had this, like you said, we had this receiving line that was a mile long.

Jill:
13:43

Oh yeah. Happened. It was impromptu.

Charlie:
13:45

Yeah, we were just standing up there and people started coming and saying hi. And so people started getting in line and it went on and on and on. And, and then the actually pastor had to say, we’re going to have to stop this receiving line because we got to get it started. Yeah. You know?

Charlie:
14:00

And then of course after our pastor had a beautiful meal and everything for anyone who wanted to stay, and we stayed for another couple hours, eating and fellowshipping with people and greeting each other. It was a little bit like heaven because you saw people you hadn’t seen in so many years, and you were just so blessed for the love and the support. Oh, it was so helpful. And yet again, you get home and the phone calls start slowly getting less, the texts start getting less, you know, and the emptiness of the house then like

Jill:
14:43

Start screaming.

Charlie:
14:44

Right, screaming. And then you, like you said, Jill, you know, then you have to start taking care of, you know, the things that are, know, the bank accounts, the legal stuff, the insurance, you know, cemetery, the car payment that was due, the death certificates. Oh. You know? Ugh.

Charlie:
15:09

That was tough. And the crem you know, in our case, the cremation and picking that up. It’s just it’s a whirlwind of the realities of what you’ve stepped into. People, unfortunately leave the funeral and they, many of them, like I said earlier, think-

Jill:
15:31

The attendees, yeah.

Charlie:
15:33

Well, they’re doing, you know, that Charlie and Jill are doing okay. Or, you know, they’re doing all right. They seem strong. They’re going to be fine. They’re doing okay.

Charlie:
15:43

And I guess we recently had an experience with that exact thing where, we had our good friends, Jill LeBlanc and Butch Hartman, on our show, and Butch had just lost his dear friend Guy Moon, who he’d worked with for many years. And we asked them, you know, what did they how was that for them? What did they experience? And they shared a story, you know, about how they went over to Guy Moon’s family’s home immediately after the passing. And, and he said they went there to love on them and to comfort them, but he said the spouse and the children, some of the children were there, and they actually ministered to them.

Charlie:
16:28

They said, We were blown away because they were doing so well that they ministered to us. And so but however, they recently called Mrs. Moon just to check on her, and she was actually having a difficult time. You know, the realities of it had crashed in on her. And our pastor Sean, who we had on recently, on the podcast, he actually said this couple that lost their 39 year old son, he said, you know, they were doing well.

Charlie:
17:02

They had their spirits were strong, everything. But he said he’s watched them now continue to come to church, and thank God they have, but he said he can see the oppression or the realities that their hearts are hurting. He could see it, that their hearts are hurting. And that’s okay. Part of the process.

Charlie:
17:28

It’s part of the normality of it. But, but yeah, it’s just something that, you know, for those of you who may be listening that, have not had losses and you’re trying to figure out how to minister to your friend, don’t be deceived by the fact that possibly they look like they’re doing fine at the funeral. Make sure you keep following up. You know, as time moves on, like we said, everybody else’s life goes back to normal. Yeah.

Charlie:
18:02

You know, everyone that attended, they go back to normal. I mean, I’ve attended funerals of uncles and aunts and friends, and, you know, my heart is broken with the loss. I’m there and I’m hugging the family of the deceased and everything. And then, you know, I fly home and I’m back in my normal life. And, and all of a sudden they are sitting there with that new reality, that new norm, and they’re paralyzed.

Jill:
18:36

Right.

Charlie:
18:37

And so Jill and I have made it as, as best we can, a purpose to, to contact people after funeral. And of course that’s not for everybody, but, but, you know, if you’re close enough with them, just a little text and say, don’t even have to answer this text. I just want you to know that I’m thinking about you. And as I’m saying this, I’m thinking about a couple of that I’m ready to text again. But every so often, and you know, a lot of this is to be led by the Holy Spirit.

Charlie:
19:11

And you know, when I get something come up in me, or Jill gets something come up in her about, Man, I’m thinking about so and so, You know, right away we encourage each other. We’ll text them, or call them, or do something. Send them a card. If it comes up in your heart, we need to respond to it. And I know I may be preaching to the choir here because most of you who are listening have had devastating and difficult losses in your life.

Charlie:
19:41

But, you know, just for you to know that we’re on your side, we understand this lack of communication after the funeral that happens. And, you know, Jill and I, it’s interesting because some of us like isolation for a little while. You know? Solitude. Yes, solitude.

Charlie:
20:02

That’s a better word. Yeah, a solitude. I think I read recently someone that said their home was filled with people after the funeral they had to escape and go upstairs to their study just to be alone, to kind of pull their head back together. Because, you know, when you’re around people, you just automatically feel a need to be encouraging, to what’s the words give the same thing that you’re receiving, precipitate. Reciprocate.

Charlie:
20:42

You know, if they say, you know, Oh man, Charlie, you know, I’m so sorry. Know, they say, Oh, well, thank you. You know, you’re so kind. You know, and say, No, I really feel for you. Oh, well, you.

Charlie:
20:52

You know, I can’t I appreciate you being here. And there’s a lot of energy in all that.

Jill:
20:57

Oh gosh.

Charlie:
20:58

Especially when you’re hurting.

Jill:
21:00

I remember when we went to Phoenix. So for those of you that may not know, we did two services for our son. We lived in St. Louis. He was born there, spent most of his life there, but had moved to Arizona to attend school after high school.

Jill:
21:21

And most of Charlie’s family, well, they all live there now in Arizona. Because his parents were elderly and couldn’t travel, and there were so many friends and family there, we did the service in St. Louis. And then three days later, did a service in Phoenix. And I remember that night at his brother’s home, where, you know, was kind of our base when we were living, you know, when Bovee was still alive and undergoing treatment at the Mayo there in Phoenix, his brother and sister-in-law, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, our family, opened up their home to our family.

Jill:
22:10

And they were just such a huge blessing. So, after all of this, we came back there, did the service. And that night, back to the point, that night, they just had a lot of people over. And we all ate together and just kind of hung out. Lamont and Sharon, the ones that sang at Bovee’s service in St.

Jill:
22:34

Louis, they also came to Arizona and did it there. And they were just the sweetest.

Charlie:
22:39

As well as our St. Louis pastor happened to be in LA. He came over to support us as well and to do the second funeral, which is

Jill:
22:46

amazing. Was kind of almost almost kind of a duplicate setup. So it was a huge blessing. Anyway, you know, Lamont and Sharon are just his family loves them like like family. And they all just started worshiping together.

Jill:
23:03

Lamont sat down at their piano and they all just started doing it. And I just couldn’t, I couldn’t do it. I just went back into our bedroom and just had to get away. I had spent so much energy. I was kind of at the end.

Jill:
23:21

It’s end of the second service we had done. So, you know, just reliving all of that. And it was so hard for me to do it anymore. So I went to the bedroom, just lay down on the bed. I’m sure I shed a few tears.

Jill:
23:37

I don’t remember. But I, you know, I felt horrible because I should be out there worshiping the Lord with everyone else enjoying But this time I couldn’t. I was just so spent and so exhausted by all of it. And then bless Sharon’s heart. She was so sweet.

Jill:
23:57

She’s very sensitive. And she came back and she realized I wasn’t there and found me. My door was open and just came in and just sat with me. And it was just so sweet and so beautiful. And she totally got it, you know?

Jill:
24:13

So that was really, she’s a dear. But anyway, you know, sometimes you just can’t give out when you’re in that situation. And that’s okay. You have to look out for yourself. Be kind to yourself, as we’ve said so many times.

Jill:
24:32

But just to say that, you know, the grace that’s on you for that season eventually kind of starts to wane and then you enter into the reality of what has all just taken place. And so, part of this message is just to affirm you that you are normal and you’re not carnal and weird for to do that, you know, just to back off and look after yourself.

Charlie:
25:10

But

Jill:
25:12

also as a word to those watching or listening who haven’t experienced all of this. We just want you to know that, you know, there is a special grace. We’re just going to say it again on the family of deceased during that time. And don’t think that that is their new normal. In their life.

Jill:
25:37

Stay connected because they’re going to need you. They’re just going to need your love. They’re going to need your outreach to them. And and it’s just a way that we look after each other.

Charlie:
25:53

You know, I remember even at Bovee’s funeral that, you know, they, I remember you or I or both of us, you know, said something, remembered something funny that Bovee said or did, and we shared it and people laughed and we laughed with them, you know? And again, that’s those little things that make everyone think you’re doing fine. And for that moment, you are doing okay, but like we’ve said, and we don’t want to keep going. But I found this scripture, Proverbs fourteen thirteen, which goes along with this thought. In the New Living, it says, Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

Charlie:
26:46

And that’s just an interesting concept because, there’s so many different sides to this. And, you know, right now we’re working on a little mini book, and we’ve, we’ve worked on it hard and there’s some really beautiful thoughts that we’re putting in there. But, you know, it’s like there’s so many angles to that. It’s like on one hand, you know, you may laugh in front of people at something and they’ll that’ll signal to them that you’re fine or that, you know, you’re you’re doing great. You’re doing so much better.

Charlie:
27:16

In fact, we’ve had, you know, people say, you know, you’re looks like you’re over your grief, you know, or or you’re like 75% over, you know, over your grief. And then we’ve had others that are saying, why aren’t they over it yet? What’s wrong with them? You know? And, and, you know, and and it’s like you never get over it.

Charlie:
27:35

You know, you never get over it. You know, I’ve been reading, in the Old Testament the story of Jacob and Joseph. And, you know, as people know, Joseph, Joseph, actually, I did a little studying, was 17 years old when he was thrown into the pit and sold into the slavery to the Egyptians and then ended up being under Potiphar. And so he was 17 years old and it was over twenty three years. It was twenty over twenty three years, somewhere between 2023 that his brothers came for food and he discovered them and he sent them back.

Charlie:
28:11

Go get your little brother, Benjamin. And, you know, you know, he wanted to see him. And, you know, I just thought, you know, it was that long and I wanted to read something in light of, you know, getting over it that I that I read. You know, Joseph, demanded his brothers to go back and get Benjamin because he wanted to see his little brother from his same mother. You know, Benjamin and Joseph were from the same mother.

Charlie:
28:42

And so he wanted to see him, and he went back to Jacob and they said, You know, we’ve got to get Benjamin. That’s the only way that we’re gonna be able to get food. And actually, they kept one of the brothers enslaved. And, there was a statement that jumped out at me. Again, I hope I can find it, but, it says it says, well, when Jacob found out about his son being killed, thought he had been killed and eaten by an animal, he he tore his clothes, dressed himself in burlap.

Charlie:
29:27

He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. He said, I will go to my grave mourning for my son, he would say, and then he would weep. But it was twenty three years, I think it said, by the time he found out that Benjamin, that Joseph was still alive. But he made a statement here that touched my heart, is when his brothers, the brothers said, We have to take Benjamin Jacob.

Charlie:
30:01

Dad, we have to take him. And so, Isaac finally agreed, and he said this statement. He said, and may God Almighty give you mercy before the man, talking about Joseph, that he may release your other brother and Benjamin. So had lost Joseph, and now they’re taking Benjamin away. And he made this statement.

Charlie:
30:28

He said, If I am bereaved, I am bereaved. And basically what that said, I looked it up in other translations, it just said, man, I’m so broken right now from the loss of Joseph. This was twenty years later. I am still broken from the loss and the death, what he thought of Joseph. But he said, And now you’re taking my other son?

Charlie:
30:52

He said, Okay, I’m done anyway. I’m so broken anyway. You know, go ahead and take him. And of course, there’s a beautiful ending to that story. Thank God they were all united.

Charlie:
31:07

But I just felt like, you know, I wanted to just say that, you know, after the funeral, after all this has happened and you go back, you know, people think, Oh, they’re doing great. And then if they’re not, they say, Well, it’s about time they move on. It’s about time they get, you know, they get better. But we know that from our own experience that we do get better, but our hearts get healed, but we never forget. You know, we never forget.

Charlie:
31:37

We move forward in life, but we never forget our loved ones. And this is something that we will carry with us for the rest of our life. And that’s not bad. That’s good. Love never forgets.

Charlie:
31:50

Love keeps, keeps our loved ones in our hearts. And it doesn’t mean that we have to be sad the rest of our life. It doesn’t mean that we have to cry the rest of our life. Although here we are seventeen years later, and there are little things that can trigger a tear. There are things that can trigger us to to break down and and remember Bovee and cry a little bit.

Charlie:
32:12

Even seventeen years later, we’re getting we’re not even and we’re getting closer to Jacob. But, but, you know, but laughter doesn’t mean that you’re betraying to have fun and to to to watch a funny movie or something. It doesn’t mean you’re betraying your loved You know, you you you can laugh and still miss. You can last laugh with love. You know, obviously, and we hear this a lot, you know, and I want to be very careful when I say this, but, you know, your loved one would want you to be happy.

Charlie:
32:44

You know, that is an undue pressure to put on someone grieving because there is a time for grieving. Yes.

Jill:
32:51

There’s a

Charlie:
32:51

time for mourning and we need to have the, Oh no, brother, he’s in heaven and he wouldn’t want you to be crying right now. That’s a bunch of baloney. You know, what do you know about my son, what he’s wanting me to do and not wanting me to do right now?

Jill:
33:05

Yeah, it’s like

Charlie:
33:07

No one knows, you know. But the point is, it’s healthy to have a season of mourning.

Jill:
33:13

Yeah. And then there’s others that say, if you just imagine them in heaven right now, they are not suffering. They are rejoicing. They are healed. They are happy.

Jill:
33:25

Are running around, loving Jesus. If you really appreciated what they’re experiencing right now, you wouldn’t be sad anymore. And, you know, I’ve had to deal with that. And I think, you know, that is so true. You know, in our case, Beau is healed.

Jill:
33:45

He’s whole. He’s loving, you know, where he is and has no struggle with sin anymore. And it’s just so amazing. And so why would I, why would I mourn his loss? Know, missing But he was part of me.

Jill:
34:10

Came out of my body. You know, he was my baby that I gave birth to and loved and nurtured and raised. And, you know, we just enjoyed him so much. He was just such an incredible contribution to the family and it was just, and he’s not there anymore. Right.

Jill:
34:32

And our little grandsons don’t have their uncle. You know, they, you know, it’s just, there’s loss on so many sides in this life. You know, and this is where we are. We are still in this life. And have to live with the loss and not to mention the memories of his illness and his dying and all that.

Jill:
35:00

So, there’s no obligation. You have to just live and be where you are at. And, you know, this whole thing about, you know, well, they wouldn’t want you to be sad. They wouldn’t want you to, all this stuff like And what he because they’re enjoying life now, why should I be sad? You know, that’s Yeah.

Jill:
35:29

It’s kind of irrelevant, really. Yeah. Well,

Charlie:
35:32

it’s an unhealthy thing to put on someone who’s had, has just lost a loved one because scripture tells us that there is a time for weeping. There’s a time for mourning and, and we need to go through the pain of loss comes in. You get stricken with grief and pain, not everybody, but most people. And there’s a process of Jesus healing broken hearts. Why would Jesus say, The spirit of the Lord is upon me.

Charlie:
36:12

He’s anointed me to come and preach the gospel to the poor to heal the brokenhearted? Why would Jesus have even mentioned the word that that his one of his biggest ministries was gonna be to heal broken hearts if we’re not to ever gonna have a broken heart? Yeah. Or if it’s wrong to have a broken heart. Said, Oh, brother, don’t cry, don’t mourn.

Charlie:
36:36

You know, your son would not want you. He’s up there in heaven saying, Come on, dad, don’t cry. Come on, dad, don’t mourn. Come on. No, he’s not.

Charlie:
36:42

No, he’s not. In heaven, you understand things, you know? And I think our son totally understood. I know he embraced us in in his heart as we wept and cried over him, but I don’t think he was rebuking us. You know, like I’ve said so many times, Jesus never rebuked a broken heart.

Charlie:
37:01

He rebuked a hypocritical heart, a religious heart, and a hardened heart. That’s who he rebuked. He never rebuked a broken heart. And, you know, we have permission to grieve, permission to mourn, and permission to allow God to do the fixing, to allow God to do the healing, and not get too disturbed by people trying to fix us and trying to make us better. You’ve got your own path, you’ve got your own journey, you need to walk it out.

Charlie:
37:38

And we can get into so many things here, you know, like people telling you know, you got to get rid of his clothes that’s in closet or it’s in your son’s room. You need to clean out your son’s room. That’s bad, you know?

Jill:
37:50

Or your husband or whatever.

Charlie:
37:51

You’ve got your own timetable. You’ve got your own journey. No one can establish that for you. You’re okay. You flow with it.

Charlie:
38:03

You know, I guess the only thing that I would say in that, if it’s a word of caution, maybe, I don’t know, Wesley, it’s just wisdom, and that is to just stay close to God, stay close to Jesus in the midst of all this. You know, let him hug you. When you weep, weep with him. Know, he because he weeps, I believe, when we weep. And and stay tight with him.

Charlie:
38:29

Because, and I’ve said this before, because the enemy does like to come in and try to destroy us. You know, he took my son and he wanted to totally destroy Jill and I’s marriage, totally destroy our ministry, totally destroy our singing, that we would never sing again, so on and so forth. So he there is an aspect of the enemy trying to destroy you. Mhmm. But you can mourn and grieve in a healthy way Mhmm.

Charlie:
38:57

As I said, if you do it with the Lord and and in his presence. And, you know, when we weep, it says he collects all of our tears in a bottle. My gosh. He doesn’t slap us and say, stop crying. Stop.

Charlie:
39:12

You know? No. He collects us. It’s precious to him. You know, and I’ve quoted the scripture in Isaiah many times that when we suffer, he suffers.

Charlie:
39:20

And Jesus was at the tomb of Lazarus. He saw how all of them were hurting, and he wept with them. So, you know, that’s just a little added bonus to this podcast, just to love on you a little bit and let you know that you’re okay, even though people think you should be better, and maybe even people think you are better than you are. It’s okay. Let them think what they want.

Charlie:
39:45

You know, but you don’t have to rise up to their expectations.

Jill:
39:49

Yeah, comment below if that’s been your story. If you feel like people have put demands on you, and yet you just didn’t feel like that’s what you needed to be doing. You know? And and just how the Lord has maybe walked you through that. We’d love to hear from you.

Charlie:
40:09

Right. We have a really dear friend here, locally that we love so much and he lost his wife who was one of our best friends and, we it’s been less than a year that, that our dear friend has gone on to be with Jesus And, and it’s been a very tough journey for him and for his family and, to be honest, for us as well. Yeah. Very tough. Because she was such a sweetheart and such a dear and such a close friend to us and to our family.

Charlie:
40:45

And it’s just been a very interesting thing to be this close and to watch it again because I know what we went through seventeen years ago but our dear friend lost his wife and, she was only 65 years old. They were in the prime of their life with four kids, four grandkids. And, it’s just a horrible situation, but to see, you know, we’ll talk to other people and say, Oh, I talked to him the other day. He seems like he’s doing good. And you know, we know better because we’re close to him.

Charlie:
41:21

And I thank God that we’ve been what we call safe a safe friend to him because we will text him or Jill will be on the phone with him or I’ll be on the phone with him and he’s honest with us I’ve had a rough week I’m crying a lot this week. Or, you know, or, you know, I’m doing good. I I was with the grandkids last night. It was a great time to be with them, and it really helped me, you know. Or I talked to so and so on the phone, and it really helped me.

Charlie:
41:48

But, you know, but then the next day he’ll just say, Yeah, it’s been a tough day, you know? So, these are the kind of things that we have to realize we go through, and we have to realize to give grace to other people, to let them let them go through it and not try to judge them. Let’s not judge each other’s journey. My God. Let’s not judge each other’s grief.

Charlie:
42:11

This is a whole I’ve said it before, it’s a holy thing. To me, the pain and the suffering of of the loss in the arms of Jesus and in his presence is holy between Jesus. It’s like a it’s like a doctor mending someone’s heart. That’s a powerful moment, where in that operating room, you don’t want anyone distracting that. You don’t want anyone saying, Hey, have a great day, you know?

Charlie:
42:39

No. He’s working to heal a heart, and just like Jesus is working to heal your heart, and we don’t wanna let people distract that. We we wanna stay in a place with the Lord that He can continue to heal our broken hearts.

Jill:
42:58

Yeah. Yeah, we do. So So we hope this has been helpful for you today. And, you know, this is a journey that we’re on. We don’t ever have a landing place because it’s a journey.

Jill:
43:17

And we just want to help you along in your journey. So let us know if this has been helpful for you, this has been, if it’s resonated with your heart. And we just, just glad that we could come today and share with you for a little while.

Charlie:
43:35

Yeah, I think the end of the journey will be when we get to heaven and get to that’s

Jill:
43:40

that’s that’s

Charlie:
43:42

that’s

Jill:
43:42

that’s

Charlie:
43:43

that’s that’s that’s that’s that’s powerful book. It’s easy to read. It’s very spacious, big letters. And, people have told us it has helped them so much. And so we don’t want you to forget this.

Charlie:
44:08

We have many music CDs on our website at charlieandjill.com. And get on our mailing list if you’re not on our mailing list because we’re working on some new projects right now. Well, the first part of it is eight videos, an eight video course on Online. Yeah, online, and with a companion guide, a study guide, something to help you to walk through these difficult times. And then we’re gonna be working on a second eight where we’re gonna be talking to the church and to believers and say, this is the best way to help those of your friends who are hurting and bereaved.

Charlie:
44:47

So we’ve got a lot of great things coming up. We’re working on some mini books and so, smaller books, I should say. Yes, stay tuned. Like Jill said, like the podcast, share it with someone else. And

Jill:
45:02

If someone came to mind, particularly, you know, while we were talking, if there was someone that came to mind, that’s the perfect person to share it with.

Charlie:
45:10

Yes. Yes. So stay tuned on our podcast channel. We have a lot more, great interviews and other talks that Jill and I have on have had on our heart that we’ll be sharing with you. So, again, we love you so much.

Charlie:
45:25

We, we care for you. We grieve with you, and, we pray that these nuggets these these talks can be a help to you in some way. So God bless you, and, may the Lord’s peace and grace help you and strengthen you this day and every day. So God bless.