Episode 37
When Precious Memories Carry Sharp Edges

Jill LeBlanc:
00:05

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for joining us today. Here we are in December once again, and we are just pressing on and we hope to help you press on and get through in a healthy way.

Charlie LeBlanc:
00:19

Yeah, these holidays can be a little tricky sometimes for us all and we wanna do what we can to minister to you, encourage you in the midst of all this, that can be crazy.

Jill LeBlanc:
00:32

Yeah.

Charlie LeBlanc:
00:33

You know, even without grief, it can be kinda nuts.

Jill LeBlanc:
00:36

Right.

Jill LeBlanc:
00:37

So we have a special guest here today that would like to interview on a very special day.

Charlie LeBlanc:
00:45

Oh my gosh. Well, I need to hide and come out.

Jill LeBlanc:
00:48

The day so the day that we’re recording this is actually Charlie’s birthday. Happy birthday to you.

Charlie LeBlanc:
00:56

Thank you. You. Thank you. It’s not the day it’s gonna be played.

Jill LeBlanc:
01:00

No. But yeah. We’re recording it on Monday.

Charlie LeBlanc:
01:03

Right.

Jill LeBlanc:
01:04

But I have a couple questions I’d like to form your way. And

Charlie LeBlanc:
01:09

Well, I’m being interviewed.

Jill LeBlanc:
01:10

Yeah. You’re being interviewed today.

Charlie LeBlanc:
01:13

On my birthday. Okay. Let’s see how that goes.

Jill LeBlanc:
01:15

Not that it has anything to do with your birthday.

Charlie LeBlanc:
01:18

True.

Jill LeBlanc:
01:19

But, you know, I talk a lot about my challenges of walking through this season through the years since our son passed. If you want to hear more about that, you can go look up our our live that we did the live event called Finding Hope For the Holidays. I spoke about it a lot there and I’ve spoken of it a few different times and I wrote about it in our book.

Charlie LeBlanc:
01:41

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
01:43

When Loss Comes Close to Home. Forgot the title there for a second. So, but we’re gonna hear it from Charlie about that. And so, we are approaching our sixteenth Christmas without Beau.

Charlie LeBlanc:
02:00

That’s right.

Jill LeBlanc:
02:00

Our son Beau.

Charlie LeBlanc:
02:01

That’s right.

Jill LeBlanc:
02:02

And so at this time seventeen years ago, we still had him with us.

Charlie LeBlanc:
02:08

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
02:08

But it was a was in a steep decline at that time. And actually, he passed away exactly three weeks after Christmas. So, you know, the this this episode’s being aired in mid December, so it was pedal to the metal. We were doing everything we could to, keep him alive and, you know, trying to get him well, believing God, and yet it it didn’t go that way. So what are some of the things that you would like to comment to regarding this time of year?

Charlie LeBlanc:
02:46

Yeah. You know, we talked a little bit about this earlier, and and it’s just an interesting time because you’re being as it’s been, you know, sixteen, almost seventeen years now. I don’t remember details like you do. You know, you you remember you have incredible memories. You remember, you know, things when you had to give him medicine or when he was not doing well or, you know, things.

Charlie LeBlanc:
03:11

I don’t remember all those details as much. So they don’t haunt me as much. But but, you know, this year, you know, as we’re going through it, I’m I’m not thinking about Beau as much in grief. You know, I still think about Beau every day, but I’m not thinking about him in a sad way. And and, you know, we were just recently at a dear friend’s funeral just a couple of days ago, and, someone actually came up to me at the reception and they just said, you know, how do you feel?

Charlie LeBlanc:
03:52

Did this make you miss Beau more? And I said, no, It really didn’t. I wasn’t thinking about him because I was so involved in the pain of the family that was there at this at this funeral. But, you know, it so, you know, do you we’ve started to decorate the home, and and our grandson, 16 year old grandson has been here to help us. And that’s been real special.

Charlie LeBlanc:
04:18

Just, by the way, 16 year old grandson, because he was born just six months after Beau passed, and he was just a real joy to our life and has been continually, but he’s been helping us. So I’ve been kind of interestingly observing this. And because I know how much you struggle every year at the decorating and the tree and which we haven’t put up yet, but all the decorating, I know how much you struggle every year and how much we’ve had conversations saying, we just don’t wanna do it this year. We just don’t wanna go through all this. And, you know, it’s the work, it’s the prep, it’s all the other stuff we have going on this time of year as well, but it’s also the grief of the memories of doing this without Beau.

Charlie LeBlanc:
05:05

But I’ve been kinda blessed seeing Kingston, our 16 year old, engage with you in doing this, and it’s kinda ministered to me. But, but, yeah, I guess, you know, this time of year, at least now sixteen years later, is not hurting me as much. You know? If I think about it and then I start remembering moments, difficult moments during that last December, that can be real tough.

Jill LeBlanc:
05:39

So can you remember any of those moments?

Charlie LeBlanc:
05:42

Well, you know, if you you know, we were actually here in Jacksonville when, you know, when the doctor said we had planned to come to to do Christmas in St. Louis, which is where we were living at the time, and we were in Jacksonville taking them to the Mayo Clinic here. And I remember the doctor saying, well, if you’re going back to St. Louis, you might ought to just plan to just, you know, be ready there for the end of his life, basically. He said it in a very kind, sweet way, but I can remember that punch in the gut, you know, of that moment.

Charlie LeBlanc:
06:24

And then, you know, so that was a very hard thing. And and like I say, I don’t I think about these things throughout the year, you know, all the time. But, this time of year, yeah, it can hit me at various times, but it hasn’t this year, you know, and I’ve just been like, I guess, avoiding those thoughts. You know, I think I do a lot of avoidance, which I don’t think is bad. I mean, I just choose not to be sorrowful.

Charlie LeBlanc:
06:54

And I know those kind of tough things even on Christmas where we gave him a phone, a brand new iPhone, and and he didn’t want it. He wanted his old iPhone. Not his iPhone. His old iPhone.

Jill LeBlanc:
07:07

That was really crazy.

Charlie LeBlanc:
07:09

And we’re like, we just got you a new one and like, we’re believing you’re going to live. This is going to be awesome. We didn’t say all that, but that’s what we’re thinking. And he says, no, I’m fine. I’m fine.

Charlie LeBlanc:
07:19

You guys just keep that one, you know? And those are moments and just, you know, him being downstairs. And I remember, one time it was, you know, prior to Christmas, some friends of ours said, hey, can y’all come over for, you know, a little glass of, what do you call it? The drink around Christmas?

Jill LeBlanc:
07:37

Christmas cheer.

Charlie LeBlanc:
07:37

Christmas, whatever you call that. Anyway. Not eggnog or whatever it was. But but and we knew that Beau wasn’t able to travel. It was just, like I say, a few weeks before he passed and and he had some friends coming over, and we felt okay about leaving him.

Charlie LeBlanc:
08:00

And he feels fine. He said, yeah, y’all go. And I remember being over at their house, precious friends of ours, and getting a text from Beau and him saying, I need more pain medication. And I can remember just the the startling in my heart going, oh, no. You know, we should have never left him.

Charlie LeBlanc:
08:18

You know? We need to get back. And so we politely left and came home and gave him some more pain medication. But, yeah, those are all very, very tough, you know, very, very tough moments that that I don’t think about very often. Honestly, this is making me think about them.

Charlie LeBlanc:
08:36

But, but nonetheless, you know, I I just choose to my best to to to as I’ve said many times in the book and other things, I choose to live in in what I know and live in live I’m choosing to live in as best I can in the present with my kids with my grandkids rather, with my two daughters. You know? Y’all just celebrated my birthday last night. I’m grateful for that. You know, being with the entire family, looking around, there’s an empty chair.

Charlie LeBlanc:
09:09

But nonetheless, I just am so grateful for my two daughters and my four grandsons and my son in laws. So, yeah, it’s an interesting time.

Jill LeBlanc:
09:21

Yeah. It really is. And, you know, we just wanna say to those of you who are walking through, this season with an ache in your heart from loss. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one to death or it’s loss of a marriage, loss of a relationship, a situation of any kind that that’s just turned your life upside down.

Charlie LeBlanc:
09:51

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
09:52

You know, it’s it’s a tough time and and it’s okay to hurt. I mean, we don’t wanna hurt. We don’t want anyone to hurt, but you’re not less spiritual because you’re experiencing pain.

Charlie LeBlanc:
10:10

Mhmm.

Jill LeBlanc:
10:11

But the God of all comfort is there for you, and we just really want to encourage you to draw from him and let his comfort hold your heart.

Charlie LeBlanc:
10:22

Yes.

Jill LeBlanc:
10:23

Because it’s challenging, you know, all the movies that are gonna, that are out, you know, you know, the what’s this? A wonder what’s it called? It’s a Wonderful Life. Yeah. It’s a Wonderful Life and all the different ones.

Jill LeBlanc:
10:38

And, you know, as it can it can just be challenging. So we want to encourage you just to draw close to the lord. Let him love on you. Let him hold you.

Charlie LeBlanc:
10:51

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
10:52

Amen. And yeah.

Charlie LeBlanc:
10:55

Yeah. You know, even the commercials are just you know, they’re all so happy. And, you know, as Christmas turkey’s there, everyone’s coming over for for dinner and, you know, the tree and and the gifts underneath the tree, and they bring out a gift advertising, of course, something, and they bring out the gift and everybody, and it’s wonderful. We’re, you know, in all fairness, commercials have always made Christmas a whole lot different than it really is. You know?

Jill LeBlanc:
11:24

It’s so true.

Charlie LeBlanc:
11:25

Hollywood does in general. You know?

Jill LeBlanc:
11:27

It’s so true.

Charlie LeBlanc:
11:27

Hollywood in general makes it, you know, a whole lot different than it really is. It’s wonderful to be with family and when you have a good family, But my Lord, so many people don’t have healthy families. So many people have come from terrible families. True. And and, you know, some people struggle with their mom and dad being there and and how difficult that can be.

Charlie LeBlanc:
11:50

And and others, you know, struggle with, someone in the family that comes in. I know a dear friend of ours, that just lost his wife, he had all of his family come in for the funeral, and there are some that, you know, they’ve been at odds for years and he’s trying to just love them and continue to love them, minister to them. But yeah, family gatherings are just They can be challenging any way you look at it.

Jill LeBlanc:
12:13

And they probably are a whole lot more than they aren’t.

Charlie LeBlanc:
12:17

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
12:17

You know what I mean?

Charlie LeBlanc:
12:18

Yes, absolutely. There’s more dysfunctional families than there are functional families. No doubt about it.

Jill LeBlanc:
12:23

Yeah.

Charlie LeBlanc:
12:23

You know?

Jill LeBlanc:
12:24

That’s quite a revelation.

Charlie LeBlanc:
12:26

I know. It’s sad.

Jill LeBlanc:
12:27

We’re not the only ones that have dysfunction in our families.

Charlie LeBlanc:
12:31

I’ll tell you, it’s true. And I keep on hearing more and more testimonies of people that have come out of just terrible drugs and terrible situations and terrible parents and terrible fathers and and, you know, hearing their testimony of Jesus putting their life back together. But, you know, they had Christmases and Thanksgivings all throughout those years when they were on heavy drugs and when they were distraught and Drinking. Drinking heavy alcoholics and, ugh, you know, so our hearts go out to all of you who are experiencing some of the things that that we’re, you know, expressing as well. Maybe your family gatherings are very, very tough and, you know, our hearts go out to you.

Charlie LeBlanc:
13:16

We pray for you that that God would give you grace and strength. You know, like one friend of ours said, you know, she just she’s just quiet around her family. She’s just she respects her mom and dad, but it’s very tough. So she’s just quiet and she doesn’t want to get confrontational, but just tries to walk in supernatural love through the whole situation. And that’s what we all have to do.

Charlie LeBlanc:
13:40

And we’ve talked about the grief side of it too, is that so often people just don’t understand what you’re going through. You are silently grieving amongst all the family that’s, you know, that’s hallelujah, you know, just being hallelujah and all that kind of stuff. Hallelujah. And I was trying to say hallelujah. Praising God. Yeah, you know, are really many of them aren’t praising God. They’re praising the drink or whatever they’re they have in their hand.

Charlie LeBlanc:
14:10

But you know, again, you know, I keep coming back to our dear friend who just lost his wife. Man, our hearts just bleed for him because they just went through Thanksgiving and they did the best they could with their children and their grand he did the best he could with his children and his grandchildren with the missing one that was so huge in the family. She the she was so beautiful, so huge, such a dynamic personality, and yet they just went through Thanksgiving, and now they’ve got to go through Christmas.

Jill LeBlanc:
14:40

Mhmm.

Charlie LeBlanc:
14:41

And that’s just so hard. I mean, she just died a few weeks ago now and four weeks. And and so they’ve got to go through all of that. And it’s just it’s just horrible. And our hearts go out to you if you’re facing the same thing, and and, you know, we we relate to that.

Charlie LeBlanc:
14:59

We understand how hard it is. Of course, as I said, we’re sixteen, almost seventeen years out, so it’s not as hard. But, man, we we know how hard it is, especially those first few years. So part of our ministry to you is just to say we understand. You know, Jesus understands, that’s for sure.

Charlie LeBlanc:
15:19

But we understand too. And, and we love you. And like Jill said, grieve as much as you want. Cry as much as you want. I’ve said it before.

Charlie LeBlanc:
15:28

Go find a little corner and go to the bathroom, excuse yourself, and just go belt out some some tears and and cry if you want and then come back and put on a happy face if you if you can. You know what I mean? It’s like not everybody understands your grief, and not everyone’s gonna understand it if you told them. But you might be able to find one of your family members that could you could go in the back room with and share your heart with and they could love on you, weep with you and minister to you. But, you know, in general, quite often in these situations, we have to walk it alone, you know, and everybody’s trying to make you happy.

Charlie LeBlanc:
16:05

Everybody’s trying to make you celebrate this time of year. Know, they’ll be happy. And again, innocently, our grandkids have done that for us, but not with the purpose of trying to make us happy. They’re sweet and they’re innocent.

Jill LeBlanc:
16:21

Mhmm.

Charlie LeBlanc:
16:21

And they’ll just say, Papa, Gigi, you’re gonna put up a tree? We’re like, yeah. Sure. For you, we will. You know? In our under our breath, we’re like, for you, we will. You know? And that happened many, many years, you know, until now. So and having Kingston here to help us with the decorations, I think helped us to say, let’s do more. And he’s like, oh, let’s do this. Let’s do this. Oh, let’s put these lights outside. Let’s do this. And we’re like, okay. You know, for you, we’ll do it. And but but, you know, it’s just something you have to go through and and, you know, God’s grace is sufficient for us in the midst of it.

Jill LeBlanc:
17:02

Yeah. Yeah. So I also wanted to ask, you know, you were mentioning our friend who this was a very dear friend of mine Oh. In particular who passed away. I mean, we’re very close with the couple, but, you know, being the the woman of the couple, we were just very, very close So so this was it was a big loss, and I’ve dealt personally with a lot of grief over this last month and just find myself kind of drifting off in a day or just with a heaviness over me and realizing like, what is going on?

Jill LeBlanc:
17:44

And then I realized it’s grief. And it’s really important to recognize when you do have, when it is grief, because it’s okay to grieve. The Bible is very clear that that’s our mechanism to be able to deal with loss is grief is is a helper to our soul.

Charlie LeBlanc:
18:06

Mhmm.

Jill LeBlanc:
18:07

And we have to give ourselves to it. I mean, we we have to work with it.

Charlie LeBlanc:
18:13

Mhmm.

Jill LeBlanc:
18:14

But so we were at the funeral this week, and and did you mention this that a a friend came up to you afterwards? Did you say that?

Charlie LeBlanc:
18:27

I don’t know if I said that earlier. I might have.

Jill LeBlanc:
18:29

So a friend came up to Charlie, after the funeral and asked you, did this did this service make you think a lot about Beau?

Charlie LeBlanc:
18:40

Mhmm. Yeah. And I don’t know if I mentioned it earlier, but I might have. But but, yeah, he asked, you know, did it make me think about Beau? And I said, no. I think I did say it earlier, actually.

Charlie LeBlanc:
18:51

And I said, no. I was just thinking about the family and the pain that they’re going through because we experience that. And, you know, it’s so hard when you’ve been through it. And many of you have already been through it. Maybe you’re a few years out and you know what these people are going through and what they may they may go through even harder moments.

Charlie LeBlanc:
19:14

And so I think that’s what I was thinking about a lot was just this dear family, you know, four four adult children, four grandkids, and, you know, the little grandkids are innocent. They don’t really fully understand what’s going on, but but they you know, the whole family is just in shock. And I guess during the funeral, my heart was just for the family.

Jill LeBlanc:
19:40

Oh, mine too.

Charlie LeBlanc:
19:41

Just weeping. I mean, we know that our friends in heaven and have rejoicing and have

Jill LeBlanc:
19:46

Yeah.

Charlie LeBlanc:
19:46

-the most beautiful time in the world.

Jill LeBlanc:
19:48

Not suffering.

Charlie LeBlanc:
19:49

Yeah. Not suffering in any way. We’re so grateful. So thankful for Jesus and for heaven. But it’s it’s the aftermath.

Charlie LeBlanc:
19:57

You know? It’s it’s what it’s what we have to live with. And, you know, we’ve talked about this in the past that, you know, it says that, oh, death, where is your sting? Oh, grave, where is your victory? You know, death is swallowed up in victory.

Charlie LeBlanc:
20:13

And so for those who die, thank God there is no sting in death. Praise God. We’re just to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. It’s awesome that we have this amazing, eternal life and gift to be present with the Lord. But for those who are left behind, there is a sting.

Charlie LeBlanc:
20:32

There is a pain. And yes, it can be helped through the power of the Holy Spirit. It can be strengthened. We can get through it with the power of the Holy Spirit and healed, in time, He heals the brokenhearted. So in time, yes, we can receive that healing, we can receive that peace, we can receive that help of the Holy Spirit, the comforter, the Holy Spirit, But at the same time, it’s a process and it just takes time sometimes to get better.

Charlie LeBlanc:
21:05

So, you know, I guess that’s where my heart was at the funeral a lot, was just really, really caring for them. But, I’m so glad we went.

Jill LeBlanc:
21:14

Oh, gosh.

Charlie LeBlanc:
21:15

I mean, we wouldn’t have missed it for nothing, but it goes into that whole other whole thought of of the power of being present.

Jill LeBlanc:
21:22

Yes.

Charlie LeBlanc:
21:22

You know? And even even in the even in the reception.

Jill LeBlanc:
21:27

Mhmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We we by the grace of God, we got to minister to a lot of the family. Both both, members of our friends have a lot of siblings, and and they all came either right after she passed away or they came for the the funeral for the service.

Jill LeBlanc:
21:49

And so, it was it was just a a real privilege to get to minister to them because they all just need Jesus like we all do. And so we’ve already heard that that God’s at work. So that was a huge blessing. But, anyway, we just we just pray that some of this encouraged you today and, you know, our hearts are to help people walking through difficult times and to bring encouragement to you from the scriptures and just affirming you in your journey. And we want to mention we have a a new partnership called Hope Partners.

Charlie LeBlanc:
22:34

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
22:35

And if you haven’t seen anything on social media or heard about it, we just want to invite you to join with us to help other people that are walking this journey. So there’s some information below. You can look into it to just learn what a hope partnership is, what a hope partner is. It’s just becoming part of a family of encouraging others walking through difficult seasons.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:05

Yeah.

Jill LeBlanc:
23:05

So, we would love for you to pray about that and and consider joining our family of Hope Partners.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:13

Amen. And we want to close with a song that, that’s on our Christmas album. We have we put out a Christmas album many years ago called The Little Child.

Jill LeBlanc:
23:22

Mhmm.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:22

And, Jill wrote a song called The Little Child. Beautiful.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:25

All kinds of great songs in here. It’s on our website. It’s available for download on our website, for a small fee. And then it’s also available on on, you know-

Jill LeBlanc:
23:36

All the places.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:36

Yeah, all the places, you know, like Spotify and Pandora in different places. But but Apple Music. But we wanna do close with a song, if that’s okay.

Jill LeBlanc:
23:46

Yeah.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:46

So the song will be called, Gloria in Excelsis Deo. That’s it.

Jill LeBlanc:
23:52

In Excelsis.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:54

In Excel.

Jill LeBlanc:
23:55

Shellsius. Shell. Pronounced in Excelsius.

Charlie LeBlanc:
23:58

It’s Latin. Didn’t take Latin in high school. I didn’t take anything in high school.

Jill LeBlanc:
24:03

Excelsis Deo.

Charlie LeBlanc:
24:04

Didn’t take any foreign languages. But anyway, glory to God in the highest. How’s that? I’m gonna say it in English. But it’s a beautiful song, and I know you guys love it as well.

Charlie LeBlanc:
24:13

We did a very special version of it. So God bless you and let this song minister to you. And like I said, we have it have it available on our website. And and, of course, don’t forget our book and any other ways that we can help you. Please feel free to comment and and like this podcast and and let it-

Jill LeBlanc:
24:33

Share it with others.

Charlie LeBlanc:
24:34

Yeah. Amen. God bless you. We’ll talk to you next time.